he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i love accidental penises.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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