Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
