I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
