There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
