you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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