i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His nipple licking is glorious
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