I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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