Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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