you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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