you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
