I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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