dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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