mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
