Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
