First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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