Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
