idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
