I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
