we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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