So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
