i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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