You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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