The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
soo... how was my night?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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