He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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