umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize