that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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