I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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