My friends, they love my intelligence
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
