I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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