he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
