Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Operation Purity has been aborted
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
