i wish my penis had a tongue
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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