Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
