There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize