Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
