Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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