How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
