is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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