I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
