He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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