if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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