I have demons in me.
babies were throwing up all over the place
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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