Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
