How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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