I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
