$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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