mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Randomize
