I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My penis needs a shock collar
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
