I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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