Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
