Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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