is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
