Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
how does that bad decision feel?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
