its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
