I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
