i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
