You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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