I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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