Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize