But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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