No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
