Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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