Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
