Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
