Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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