Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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