shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
