I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Randomize
