Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
