we're chasing vodka with high fives
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
