So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
