Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
