My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
