I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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