I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
