You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize