Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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