sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
