I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
