Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
