if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
