this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
