i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
