I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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