yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
