how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just want nice things and good sex
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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