dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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