I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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