He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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