I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize