So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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