naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
