yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
