we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
