CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
