We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
