I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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