You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
