You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
