I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
