if you like me you must not know who I am
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
