Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
