And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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