I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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