omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Randomize
