I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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